You know the old saying …
Righty Tighty… Lefty Loosie?
Well the same analogy applies to the Social Application sensation Tinder… Sort Of! Let’s be honest here, I had not a clue what the truth unveiled behind the ‘game’… until I started playing… And well… It’s like a drug… You know it’s insanely bad for you, but you can’t stop swiping.
Frankly, I don’t understand how you can get to know someone just by seeing an image, but apparently it’s THE Millennial dating pools version of speed dating. Let’s be real, who has the time to sit down with someone for a 5 minute cocktail and chat, when you can just instantly message and work your way through hundreds and thousands of potential matches in your area. As judgmental and utterly against character as this may seem, I joined The Tinder to help me pen this story… BUT, in the process, I myself had a little fun!
From reacquainting with old friends, to connecting with guys I had already gone on ‘dates’ with, Tinder was quite the little adventure for this 27 year-old. With not an ounce of shame, I will tell you there were A LOT more swipes to the left (NO Way Jose) than there ever were towards the right (Maybe). I learned a few things about myself, qualities I like and definitely don’t like for a potential mate, like… Boys without shirts just seem sticky, if you are snapping a selfie on top of a mountain.. you may just have a bit more adventurous zeal than me, if you are in your 30s and your profile picture seems to be taken at a college kegger.. you have more of a problem than my swiping NO! And if your wife is in the pic, you need a new trick… ALSO leave the kids OUT of TINDER, I mean seriously?
I am not sure whether I feel dirty or adventurous, while on Tinder… Maybe it leans more towards completely shallow or frankly hopeless… But I found myself asking questions, like Lauren… Who are you? Who are We as a Generation? Y the Heck are you so anxious to see if anyone has ’Super Liked’ YOU?!?!
For some reason, in a hidden magical part of my brain, I thought I might find my Tim Tebow on Tinder… Not realizing ‘Christian Mingle’ might be more my pace, I went ahead and updated a Tinder profile picture to put myself out there! That phrase haunts me, ‘You Need to Put Yourself Out There’, it’s what every person over the age of 80 in my family keeps nudging me to do, so I figured, Y the Heck Not? Who knew I would have quite a few “Instant Matches” in my first 24 hour cycle on the site! I will say, a little excitement crept over me and I could hardly contain my intrigue, to see how successful a mere iPhone App could be…
HERRRRRRRE’s… Johnny, Juan, James, Justin, Jared, Jean, Jason, Josh, Julian, Joey, Jeff, Jose, Jerry, Jimmy, Jonathan, Jamar, Jesus, Joe, Jorge, John…
Oh Boy… So many J’s my head started spinning!
DAY 1… Creepy profiles… “I will take care of dinner, if you take care of dessert” … I mean there are way more positive things to say for your own self worth than that, right?
DAY 4… Well I met a sweet young man last night, who has a career and seems like quite the gentleman! No offense, but there were quite a few Grazers I bumped into on the site and Grazing is for cows, I need a man with some drive!
I must admit that halfway through the experiment, I am feeling a little guilty for discriminating on guys simply for their names! Could I really see myself calling my boyfriend Damien? No offense, but that’s my cousins name … Oren, seems way to similar to Lauren, realistically in 5 Years I would be at the Chiropractor every Holiday from the whiplash, trying to respond to.. ‘Oren’ ‘Lauren’.. See what I mean? … Constantine, that’s the Devil’s name… Gosh, who knew names could be so telling?
Day 7…I compiled some of the statistics from the experiment…
7 Days … 8 Matches… 8 Conversations… 1 Coffee Date… 22 Likes on MY Behalf towards ‘potentials’ …
40 or so SuperLikes towards me… HUNDREDS of NOPES!
Oh… And quite a few TEXTs from guys who I already KNEW, asking what the Heck I was doing on TINDER?
Day 8… In Retrospect…
Tinder was fun, I giggled my way through a few sleepless nights… I made a new friend… AND now none of the Senior Citizens in my family can fault me, for NOT putting myself out there enough, right?
I also entertained the heck out of my Aunts who swiped with me a few times and couldn’t contain their excitement in helping to potentially find my perfect man!
Would I ever Tinder again? Probably not… But I am not the one night stand kind of girl… I am not interested in grabbing drinks and shagging you and then moving on to the next ‘SuperLIKE’. I don’t need a quickie marriage so that I can land a Visa and I don’t need a guy to buy me! I am a young, independent, hardworking woman who gives 350% of herself at every turn and I can most certainly take care of myself. I am looking for a best friend and a partner in crime, who wants to love me for me… the day Tinder gets a swipe for that, maybe then I would reconsider logging back in. Until then, Baptisms and Bar Mitzvah’s for me… I hear a rumor those are THE events to find Mr. Perfect!